D and I are quite fond of the word ‘meh’.  It encompasses this feeling of ennui; of just not caring and not feeling really interested in the world.  We use it often, and have a rule – if one of us is meh, the other is not allowed to be, or has to do their best to be the peppy one and try and cheer the other up.



Today, I am meh. I am tired, bored, uninterested in everything around me.  The only thing I want to do is be at home in bed. Not at work trying to think hard about processes.  I’m also almost on the brink of tears and I don’t really have a good reason for it. Just one of those days, I suppose.



I’m also kinda in this phase of taking more selfies than normal, almost in a way of trying to like what I see a bit more? I’m still so unenthused about how I look, even though finally fixing/removing the green from my hair has made me feel a lot better. It’s growing again…



We’ve had some lovely days lately, though.  Thursday was our 6th anniversary so we had dinner at Chaophraya, a lovely Thai place with a view of the castle (if you book for that, we sadly didn’t! next time!). Saturday we had a lazy morning before visiting family, lunch at home, then out to D’s cricket club for a ceilidh.  Sunday I had rehearsals, then we were out for dinner & froyo with good friends Mark and Helen. I wish all weekends involved dinners out with friends – we need to buy more vouchers and go out more.



I’ve also started 100 Happy Days today.  Part of it was spurred by this unhappiness inside me, but it’s been something I’ve been wanting to do for a while, and I had been planning to start it when I had 100 days until my birthday. Of course, I forgot and had to be reminded by someone mentioning on Twitter. I shall be posting a bit of it here, but mostly on instagram, as always.  Froyo is one of those things to be happy for, in general. Thankful for froyo.



I’m also counting down the days until April as not only is my 30th birthday coming, but we are going home to NZ to celebrate it and my Dad’s 60th. We’ll get to see family and friends and celebrate our engagement, and after we arrive, I’ll finally have a payday where the pay isn’t all spoken for (I’m renewing my visa to stay in the UK at the end of this month and yikes, it’s nae cheap).

Hope you’re all feeling a lot less meh than me today.  Write soon.





Just now



We’ve had a re-design! (why do blogs always say ‘we’? it’s just me. Hello! I’ve had a re-design). If you’re seeing this in a reader, click the page for once and have a look-see.

Otherwise, here is life for me just now, inspired by Sydney’s lovely post from September

Making:  a ridiculous amount of mulled things for our housewarming. Last night I made mulled cider, mulled juice and bought mulled wine…
Cooking: I’ve been doing lots of the cooking lately! Curries and stir fries and fish with wedges and very basic things. We loved having a few HelloFresh boxes but it may be January before we can afford one again.
Drinking:  I’m weirdly-obsessed with drinking tonic water. Dave hates it but I love the taste on its own, especially with some lime.
Reading: Last book I finished was Meta by Tom Reynolds, which is a good wee sci-fi and a debut novel from one of my my favourite podcasters.
Wanting: Many things, mainly for the house. At the moment, I just want tidiness over material things.
Looking: Very tired, I imagine. It’s been a long week.
Playing: A lot of bad MTV on my TiVo.
Wasting: Some food – I had to throw out some stuff in the fridge I hadn’t noticed until last night… because I was too short to see it!
Sewing: Nothing, my machine is still in storage.
Wishing: For a long sleep and a lottery win.
Enjoying: Rehearsals for Brigadoon – it’s coming along really well.
Waiting: out the year – 2014 is hopefully going to be a great one.
Liking: The crisp weather.
Wondering: when it’s going to snow.
Loving: my Dave and our new home.
there are no huge expenses in December – we’re tapped out with everything going on!
Marveling: at everything that has happened this year.
Needing: sleep, more allergy pills, a few days off.
Smelling: a lot of the lovely candle my colleagues bought us – it’s burned every night since we got it.
Wearing: comfy, casual H&M favourites – skinny jeans, slouchy baseball tee covered in stars, boots.
Following: the many thanksgiving posts on instagram and facebook – looks like everyone had a good one. And how neat that it falls on Hanukkah. Gobble Tov!
Noticing: that finding loyal people can sometimes be tough.
Knowing: that there are great things in store for me and D.
Thinking: about the miracle of Hanukkah.
Bookmarking: lots of winter recipes.
Opening: my eyes a little wider.
Giggling: at Friends on Comedy Central for the billionth time.
Feeling: thankful, tired, accomplished, happy.






Snow walking.


We have a wee tradition, Dave and I.

Possibly completely against logic, when it snows at night (or has been snowing all day), we go for a walk.



Snow walking is one of my favourite traditions.  It’s so quiet and still.  The night-time is brighter with the white reflecting everywhere, and the streets are empty.  Up on Corstorphine Hill it’s thick enough to squish your wellies right into; the pools of water are lovely cracky ice and the snow is untouched and powdery.

Playparks are empty and the snow is ripe for kicking.  I have a “snow dance”, Dave says, where I run in a zigzag motion, kicking all the soft powdery snow about in glee.  Kicking snow is one of my favourite things to do ever, and an untouched front garden or suburban grassy patch is just too tempting.  It must be pushed and kicked and picked up and thrown, or flattened down into an angel.



This winter has been a far cry from 2009/2010 where the snow seemed never-ending and piled high up on cars and blocked our doorways.  But this winter has still had the beauty of everything being white occasionally.  Perfect, white, stillness.



I’m not overly thrilled about driving in it, especially when it’s icy and all of your reflexes/natural driving reactions prove to be wrong.  No sudden braking, no quick turning, pull away in second gear.

But walking.  Walking hand in hand in our gloves and hats and scarves and our “grippiest” shoes.  Walking up the hill and looking out over Edinburgh or to a white, unspoiled park for angels and kicking and silliness.



We miss Jack, as it was great talking him out in the snow.  But these walks are special still anyway.  We talk, we walk, we skip, we snuggle, we occasionally snow fight.  But we mainly just walk. Breathing the cold air in through our noses, playing in the snow and enjoying the season.

Even if it is supposed to be spring.




Coming soon:  Job changes, shift living, getting rid of clothes, thoughts on shul and many more (sorry for the silence lately, work has been mental!).