Currently

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How bout a bit of positivity around here? And a bit of an update to get the ball rolling on blogging again.

Reading:  I have probably said this before, but I like to re-read the same books over and over, usually. However, I’m reading a great book recommended by Jolie, called When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Seems apt.

Thinking about:  Everything. Do you ever feel like your brain is trying to digest everything in life at once? That’s what it feels like right now. Our first goal is to get the house on the market, and then try and tackle other things going on.  Work is still kinda insane, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I think the relief when everything comes together later in the year will just be immense. I’ll be writing 2016 down as a tough year that hopefully helped us to achieve some great things.

 

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Listening to:  I’ve got a playlist right now of about 25 songs that I’ve just had on shuffle constantly. I’ve recently got into CHVRCHES and Broods thanks to Chris, and I’m really into Rihanna’s Sledgehammer, the track from the new Star Trek film.  Also still really loving Joy Williams and Vanessa Carlton’s latest albums – playing them a lot.

Watching:  We’ve caught up with a lot of shows/they’re on hiatus, so we’ve been watching a lot of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and I’ve started Stranger Things and will need to start it again so Dave can see it. It’s like Twin Peaks meets E.T. with a side of horror and worth a shot.

Trying:  To let go of things.  Nothing is set in stone in any aspect of my life right now, and that’s one of my biggest issues. It all just feels a bit out of my control. The uncertainty, the not knowing.. it’s a killer. I am super sad to be leaving Scotland at some stage, but at the same time, being home is going to give me a sense of calm, I think.

Loving:  Sorting my house to sell has actually been quite cathartic. I’m finding so much crap I’d forgotten about, and getting rid of so much clutter. It’s good for the soul.

 

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Celebrating:  We’ve got so much coming up over the next few months. We’ve got a wedding this weekend, a visit to some of my mother’s family the following weekend, then August a wedding in Aberdeen, then September will bring the show I’m involved in, and other fun things, such as…

Making me happy:  I’ve planned a great trip for myself in September, which will be my last trip to London, and my last travels on my own for a while, I imagine (I do enjoy travelling solo, but I miss D).  I’ve got TCGTE in Edinburgh on the Wednesday, then on the Thursday I go down to London and stay in Stevenage for the night to go to FriendsFest (yes, I am a big nerd). Then Friday and Saturday nights I’m in London proper for the London TCGTE shows, then back up on Sunday.  I was always going down for Complete Guide, but now I’ve tacked on FriendsFest, it’s a bonus.

Anyway. How are you?

 

xxx

swhite

Progress

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I’ve started this post about 10 times but I think I’ve just been awash with work since coming back.

To fill you in, the day after my last post, after I booked to go into the dentist, my condition worsened greatly.  I had a streaming nose, a headache and the toothache just seemed to intensify by the hour. There was no sleeping going on, a lot of painkillers being taken and quite a bit of crying happening.  I felt so helpless to relieve the pain and the more sleepless hours I had, the more difficult it became to cope.

 

 

Sunday morning I phoned NHS24 and then the Lothian Dental Advice service, and got myself an appointment for the emergency dentist.  It says a lot about the pain I was in that I couldn’t bring myself to wait any longer. I was going to jump head-on into one of my worst fears – one of the worst situations for me to get myself into.

When I phoned and organised the appointment, I mentioned my fears. I have a problem, however, with saying this without tears, which is kinda funny in retrospect. I mean, I could right now, but I had this ridiculous problem where I would choke whenever I tried to express that I was scared.

They got the point.

I believe she put a note on my file, because when I went into the room (Dave in tow, bless him), they were unbelievably kind and gentle with me, and explained absolutely everything as they went, and while I felt like a small child in that chair that day, I appreciated it so much.

 

 

They explained that the crown had broken on the wisdom tooth, and that it was badly infected and needed to be extracted.  After it was pulled she explained that there was “communication” into the sinus cavity, and that was why I had a runny nose and headache, and an awful taste in my mouth.

I was told to rest, not to lie flat, to take ibuprofen and decongestants and was given high-dose antibiotics.  I went to bed.

For a week.

 

 

I spent some time on the couch, but mostly I was in bed, sleeping for around 3 hours at a time, sitting propped up, counting the hours between each drug intake.  The pain in my tooth (or where it was, rather) lasted barely any time at all, but the sinus infection raged like crazy through me.  The headache was almost unbearable at times, I was weak and dizzy and so tired, but the worst was the infection coming into my nose and mouth.  I wasn’t allowed to blow my nose, only to wipe if needed, and honestly. I’ve had meningitis. I’ve had pneumonia.  Hell, I’ve had vestibular neuronitis.  All of them were more pleasant than this.  I don’t want to gross y’all out, but it was like having bin juice in my nose and mouth. Or pus-y water. Or something.  It was downright disgusting and after a few days it became seriously depressing.

 

 

Despite the joy of eating as much icecream as I could, I spent quite a bit of time crying.  Then I spent quite a bit of time chastising myself for crying.  But I just desperately needed sleep and relief from the pain and the.. discharge.  Once it finally did start to ease and I felt human again, I vowed to never again take for granted not being in pain. I’m typing this right now, pain-free, and I’m so grateful.

 

 

And the main positive out of all this? (because I am nothing if not disgustingly positive), I went to my new dentist on the Wednesday, and I wasn’t scared.  I lay in the chair and felt like most other dentist-goers, feeling nervous but not terrified. And despite the fact that my other upper wisdom tooth needs to be pulled in a few weeks? the rest of my teeth are fine.  Like, honestly. Who goes 10 years without a dentist and gets no fillings? I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

 

 

Once I was up and moving again, I put my effort into improving my immune system, yet again.  Vitamins and manuka honey and sleeping at a reasonable hour and getting back into exercise. I’d stopped running because my shoes were terribly unsupportive, so I got myself some new shoes. They’re kinda like running on air.

Oh and I refinanced my debt, which is going to save me like £500.  And I sold some stuff and upgraded my iPad.  That has given me a wee happy boost.

 

 

We’ve also had some good times with family lately – Dave’s brother and his wee family are moving back to NZ in September so we’ve tried to get together a bit lately.  Dave’s brother turned 40 and then wee Imogen turned 4, so we’ve had a few celebrations.

 

 

And the weather has been pretty good to us, too.  So I’m trying to put that week behind me and focus on the now.

I’m also now the world’s most obsessive teeth-cleaner.

 

 

 

 

…xxx

swhite

It’s gonna be a happy new year..

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Last night at rehearsals for RENT, we went over Happy New Year A & B (as I am now also playing Mrs Cohen) and now that line is stuck in my head.

And hell, it’s going to be a happy one!
 
I had all these plans for posts I was going to write before this one (and many drafts saved), but this is in my head to write now, so it’s going to come out today. Here is my new plan for..
 
My fabulous new life

Oh yes, ladies and gents. I’ve decided 2011 is going to be about sparkles, rainbows, happy times and being more carefree. I’m going to emulate Audrey Hepburn and all that.
 
* Award for Ridiculous/obvious break-through of the year so far: my hobbies keep my depression at a much more manageable level. (I always ponder whether manageable or managable is more correct when I type it. I know you use the e, but it looks like manag-e-able. Anyhoo, I digress). Hobbies: I return to ballet (moved up a class) tonight, went back to rehearsals last night after my holiday, go back to dressmaking on Monday, and still of course love photography and blogging, even if I neglect them (and need a new camera!).
 
* One month until our move, so I’m going to start packing, organising, and tossing crap out. The new place is going to give us more space to breathe, a garden, an area for our PC/piano, and sure, plenty of new bills. But I don’t care. I’m so looking forward to the quiet!
 
* My new haircut rules. Oh yes it does.
 
* We’ve had this new regime so far of going to bed early and getting up early (because of jetlag) and I have actually felt good and normal and able to cope in the mornings and better at work and everything. Ugh! I’ve been trying to do this for years, and finally been forced into it, and now I’m thinking I’m such a fool for doing it wrong for so long (although I still think Sarah-Rose is insane for her morning regime). Which leads me to..
 
* I think I might get a coffeemaker for the new place. Yay caffeine before work in the morning! (cue Dave rolling his eyes).
 
* I’m going to plan what I wear for work a bit better, and actually use my StyleBook app for this purpose. Although, more separates for work are required! Right now it’s dress or bust, or trousers and a small selection of tops, or purple skirt with said small selection of tops. Thank God for H&M and their cheap selections, which I’ll be buying on account over the next month or so.
 
* My hair is also super easy to style, as long as dry it after washing. I’ll need more regular cuts, though.
 
* SPRING IS COMING!
 
* My diet so far has been going well over the last month, thanks to the flu/lurgi ruining my appetite for weeks. I have no idea what I currently weigh, but I’ll be back on the WiiFit tonight. I’ve said this every year for a long time, but I really really actually want to get fighting fit this year. I feel better when I have exercise in my life, and this year it’ll be Pilates, WiiFit, maybe running again (as I do enjoy it once I’m in a rhythm), and ballet. If I want to be hot for a few years before I ruin, er, change my body with babies, now is the time to do it. And hell, we’re planning…
 
* Holidays! Yay! My folks are apparently donating to our trip fund (to thank us for using up so much holiday and money to come out to them in December) and I’m hoping to go to Rome for my birthday. And then we are due to go to Barcelona at the end of July for Dave’s cousin’s wedding. Might be a few days up north of Barcelona, then a few days in the city. Other than that, we’ll just wait and see.
 
I hope all you lovely people are well and happy, and I’ll be posting some photos soon. I did start Project 365 again for 2011, and will be updating Flickr as well. Sadly, I’ve been a bit obsessed with Instagram for iPhone, so a lot of my shots for the beginning of the year were on that, rather than my camera, but I’ll be dusting off the camera and carrying it around with me more this year.
 
It’ll be my own little happiness project, 2011. You’re going to hate me for my positivity. And hopefully lots of lame puns that’ll make Dave give me that face.
 
(Can’t wait to read this next January and scoff at my optimism! Kat, you are a dork!)
 
 

…hi?

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Random thoughts today, while I still get my shit together.

I am aware that I have weeks of photos to sort through so that I can catch up on my weekly posts. I have other posts to write and things to say.

 
I’m excited about my new Jewish blog. I have many posts planned and started.
 
Sickness + ballet + dressmaking + trips + being the only one at work = overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed is my biggest problem in general just now. My trip home is coming up very quickly and I have much to buy and sort, and the snow is wonderful but the closer it gets, it’s freaking me out. Edinburgh airport cannot close on Christmas Eve. I will not be able to afford a train.
 
I have not lost any weight. I’ve been too… overwhelmed/busy/tired to exercise properly. So I’m going home to summer with all this excess. I can’t say I’m really looking forward to the family comments!
 
I have songs I have to finish over the next few weeks and months, and the long periods of darkness make time feel so much shorter.
 
What I really need is a good list to gather my thoughts properly together and get productive. That is my plan for tonight. Once I get home. If I don’t fall on my ass on the ice.
 
-9C/16F just now apparently. Brrr. I’d hate winter without Dave to snuggle up to.

Hello my friends.

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How are you? How is your life going?

I have been keeping busy, as per usual. The last few weeks at work have been 4am or 5.45 starters, and that takes its toll. The 4ams have me home anywhere from 1030 to 12, which is great, but I don’t exactly feel like using the rest of my day for anything but lazing.

I do a lot of writing, and ended up buying a bunch of expensive audio equipment last week, which I used for Operation Melody Week 7 to some success – I need to learn a little more about how to work everything.

My nieces have been visiting a fair bit, and I enjoy that as long as I still get some time off to laze around and/or write. Tomorrow I’m using my day to re-record a few pieces that got corrupted in my software crashes, and hopefully clean up upstairs a bit, as I can’t think with too much mess.

In other news, my health has been up and down, and skin cancer called, but I told it to go on home again.

I’m gonna have a bath. Write again soon. xx

Catching up

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So I feel like I’ve been buried in sand for a while, trying to catch up to myself. I have been so busy throwing myself into this new job, that suddenly my life has caught up with me and I am shocked at how much crap I have let slide. And how much has been going on lately!

For starters, I haven’t emailed anyone back in well, ever. I’m putting out a PSA right now to let you all know that I care, but sitting on a computer after a 5.30am shift is not really my game plan. I watch something and fall asleep on the couch, because I’m an old lady.

3 good friends have left the country, and 1 has moved to a new one. I’m impressed with how international and cosmopolitan we are all becoming. I only wish I could follow, but not yet.

Neha is now in Melbourne and settled in, moving into a new flat with Katya. I hope she finds a job soon and finds it okay doing all the cooking and laundry, etc. It’s really hard living away from your mother. I should know.

Tim has relocated from Osaka, Japan, to Zhangmutou, China. It’s a learning curve, I think, and probably a good challenge for him. He pretty much conquers anything he tries to do in life, so I am expecting great things… as long as his job stays enjoyable for him.

And the Burkes. Well. I haven’t brought myself to write a proper post yet, but I miss them terribly. It is very weird not having the contact with them that I used to, and as much as I wish them the best, I think it is going to take some adjusting! I hope they make lots of new friends, but don’t forget the old ones (like little old me).

And in life? Well! We are starting our renovations soon, and I will be living downstairs in the music room, which is going to have its advantages and disadvantages. I’m thinking of embarking on a new project where I write a new song every week, even if it is crap, even if it is 30 seconds long. And I’ll try and post a video of me playing it or an mp3. It’s my way of bullying myself into writing.. but we’ll see if I actually get it set up. It might be something for June.

Every day I have been at the gym. This doesn’t sound like much, but hell. I have gone every day. This is seriously impressive for me. I am really wanting a change with my fitness (and certain aspects of my appearance). I’ll keep you posted.

And finally: David Bain is FREE! He is out on bail, after the privy council declared that his original trial was a “serious miscarriage of justice”, and he is up for a possible retrial. He went to jail at 22 years old, for allegedly murdering his entire family, and has maintained his innocence ever since, even though it has denied him other possibilities for parole. He is now 35 and his long-time supporter, ex-All Black Joe Karam, is moving him onto his farm until the retrial thing is finalised. I am so very excited. I have always believed he was innocent, and read Joe’s book several times, and was always very interested in any piece of news on it. When he left the court yesterday, the crowd outside cheered. I couldn’t help but feel emotion – how amazing for him, and for Joe. I only hope that the retrial never happens, or that it does, and he is completely exonerated. There was so much evidence left out and he not only had to lose his entire family, including finding them all brutally slain, but has had 13 YEARS in prison. I am keeping my fingers crossed and my ears open.

I’ll have more to say soon, but I still have a lot to catch up on, both online and off, so I will be more insightful and wordy another day.

Black and blue.

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I am rather bruised and battered as of late. My left thigh has a cluster of 4 or 5 nasty-looking bruises that appeared on Friday and are now in their healing colours (yellow-green), and completely unexplained. Now my right thigh has 3 small ones as of last night. Did the colour get smudged over to the other leg?

I’m starting to think that I’m being abducted by aliens in my sleep.

My right foot is all scratched up from Andy’s cat having a play last Friday night at drinks. It was fun until he dug his teeth in. There’s another bruise on my right knee, and the scars are adding up – a round spider bite scar on my left wrist, blister scars on my feet…

But I also have a bad habit of walking into things and forgetting about it, because I don’t show any outside reaction to pain. I’m so used to being a little off-kilter since illness in 2001, that I have stopped even wincing or complaining if I injure myself. I just roll my eyes and move on, to the confusion of spectators.

My new job has physical elements, and I’m on my feet most of the day. I’m expecting to get even more banged up and sore, especially with morning shifts this week starting at 5.30. How anyone functions at that time is beyond me, and I’m soon to find out.