Ah, a new year.  The tree and decorations are down, the lights are being switched off, and winter encloses us in a dark, depressing blanket.  I will do my best not to let it get me down.



2013 was a very mixed year.  I have seen many people on Twitter, blogs, Facebook and the like, talk about what an awful year it was for them. Luckily for me, it wasn’t as bad as previous years, especially now that we are more financially secure, and in the last 3 months of the year many good things have happened.



Firstly, let me say before I wrap up the year, on Christmas Eve, we got engaged. He wrapped the ring box up in a larger jewellery box, came downstairs while I was cleaning up, and asked if I wanted to open a present.  He wasn’t due to be with us on Christmas Day, as he had a shift, so I half-assumed it was just him being sweet, and half started to think it might be a ring.




And it was! My mother’s ring.  I can tell long tales of how I have stared at this ring in my mother’s jewellery box for over 20 years, so the significance of it is great. He awkwardly wedged himself between the coffee table and the couch attempting to take a knee, but only got halfway down before I said yes.


Xmas Day 2013


The rest of Christmas was very low-key.  D joined us at 3:30pm after he wrapped up his work for the day, and we had great fun with family.  I have spent many moments since then staring at my ring and smiling.


Us in 2008

Us in 2012


I can’t wait to be Mrs Lawrie.  After 6 years, we’ve come a long way, baby.







Coming up next: thoughts on 2013/photos, Film round-up!



I actually want to cry a little bit.

On Wednesday my album campaign ended.  And despite being under target on Tuesday, fans and friends rallied, and overnight, I made it.



I made it!

I raised £1281 in 60 days to make my album.

I did it!

We did it!



And last night, after rehearsing with the guitarist/bassist for a bit, we had our first rehearsal with the drummer.

Holy hell.

What a lift.

I can’t wait.

I’m so excited now.

We did it!

You did it.



Thank you.  I can’t thank you enough. Just one more step forward.




10 Things that make me happy today

1. I am a lot happier now my work hours have changed and I’m driving!
2. My dishwashing liquid smells like apples.
3. I have new episodes of my favourite tacky tv shows to watch tonight.
4. I am making the most amazing omelette thing.
5. My man is adorable and all dancey with me today. He also brought me rocky road.
6. I get my iPad in 10 days! Or maybe sooner. We’ll see!
7. Our garden is blooming.
8.  This is my only full work week until the week starting 14th May!
9. In just over 2 weeks my bestie from home and her hubs will be in. my. house.
10. I am in the goofiest mood possible.

She will be loved


I don’t know him really well. I’ve been wanting to, but it just hasn’t worked out. I’ve been chatting to him most of the year. I remember feeling slightly disappointed when I found out he was dating someone in another department at work. It’s not that I wanted to date him, but there is something intriguing about his character.

I walked arm in arm with him one night when we were both tipsy, and I’d bought him cigarettes. I told him in that alcohol-induced oversharing way, that I’d wanted to be friends with him, but was scared off by his girlfriend. He said it wasn’t an issue, and that I should come out again sometime. We haven’t really spoken since apart from our daily hi and bye, and I wonder if he thinks I’m a bit of a dork.

I haven’t seen him in nearly 3 years, but he emails me almost every day and if I slip up in contact, he always drops a note to say hi. He’s 11 years older, but often we seem the same age or he seems younger (I guess it’s that inner child). I’ve known him since I was 13 and I just can’t imagine life without him. Our next visit is nearly 6 months away, but we talk about it every week. It’s nice that someone is excited about seeing me, even when there’s still so long to wait (then again, I’ve waited longer for someone). There’s always that little indication that we could be more than friends someday, but we never take anything seriously. We don’t really take life seriously.

He drives me around, even to places out of his way. He picked me up and took me to the doctor one day after I collapsed at work. I trust him with all the big things, and more importantly, all the little things, that matter to me. He laughs when I’m dirty, groans when my jokes are too terrible for a response. He listens to my songs and sings along in his car. He’ll never really know how much he means to me, cause I’ll never get around to telling him well enough. He’s the one guy I know will never break my heart.

He knows who and what he wants to be, but not quite how to get there. But he works hard at everything he does, even the relationships. He despairs sometimes that he’ll always be on his own, but knows that with me he’ll never really be alone. We get involved in each others’ projects, and feel safe in each others’ company. He backs me up when I feel useless, and I hold him up when he isn’t himself.

He made a big impression on me 5 years ago, and we promised to stay in each others’ lives. He’s sometimes hard work, sometimes it’s effortless. Sometimes we don’t even need to talk to each other to just be around. Things get strained, and feelings have been put through the wringer, but he always tries to make it right, even if he’s very late in doing so, sometimes. He cares most about his family, and lives his life at full roar, with passion; he even drives with passion. He’s the energizer bunny. I try to keep us close, but sometimes I want to be very far, far away.

He’s out there somewhere, wondering where I am. He won’t care that I don’t make much of my life, that I’m all about music and flighty and a big dreamer. He doesn’t care that I’ll probably be broke for years while I work, he’ll support me. He likes coffee in the morning and spending Sundays in our pajamas. He wants 3 or 4 kids, but only when I’m ready. He’s down to earth and sometimes very silly, and strong enough to carry me around. He’s nomadic like me, and never wants to stay in one place for too long. He’ll follow me where I need to go, even if we need to fight over the destination first. He’ll love me. He’ll love my family. He’ll never tell me I’m not good or special enough. And he’ll think I’m beautiful.

But I just can’t walk away


Tonight I put my cowgirl boots on and went and saw a little movie about June and Johnny. It was great.. it made my heart smile. I couldn’t get over how beautiful Reese is, and how like June she became with the long hair. And Joaquin? Joaquin was Cash.

I still remember how a friend’s father told me of his experience with Johnny Cash. He is a photographer, and had worked a shoot with John at some point. A few years back, not that long before John died, he ran into John on the street.. in New York, I think. He said to him, “Hey, Johnny.” Johnny kept on walking for a few metres before turning and pointing at him, saying, “Steve, right?” He then turned and kept on walking.

I drove home tonight, listening to songs that have been both inspiring and hurting me lately. I looked out to the bay and thought of him, and wondered how he was doing. I drove his route to my house, as I have often in the past year and a bit.

I came home, took off of my boots, took off of my jeans. In the mirror I saw not June, but me, and I sat down with my guitar. Taking one last look at my long nails, I clipped them off, picked it up and wrote a song.

I don’t know if you’ll ever hear it; maybe one day I’ll sing it for you.

Money money money


My boss just handed me my bonus slip. It hasn’t been paid in yet, but the letter has a rather large figure in it. I’m getting more than I have calculated for, but I’m not sure how much yet.

I know the gross figure, but I can never figure out how much tax I’m paying. You have to remember your earner levies, etc.

So I think I’m still getting $150 more than I budgeted for. I’m going to put that on my card, but a part of me is screaming