Unloading.

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I don’t have a lot to say and yet I have a lot to say, pals. There’s a lot going on as always, and my head is always full, but there’s not a lot I can just publicly unload here. I’d love to unload.. and the times I get with close friends where I feel I can say anything, I clam up and I either completely undersell everything as no big deal, or I just don’t want to talk about me any more.

I just feel like I’m doing everything wrong. You know when you get to that point as an adult where you’re always second guessing every decision you make? I hate it when I see others who so obviously do not have their shit together, because I’m so used to having my shit together and I want everyone else to feel on top of it, but I just don’t feel on top of it right now. Between work, home, health, family.. it all feels like it’s unravelling.

I love journalling privately, and I have been doing a bit of that, and always talking to my husband, but I just don’t know what to say publicly. I feel like I am a writer, and I am a blogger and I am a sharer, but I have these periods where I just want to run away from sharing. And it’s not always about me, it’s often about others who don’t give permission to have their lives detailed online or for my thoughts about how things affect me to be on here. And sometimes life is just private and to be kept between those you love.

 

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The gist of it is that I just feel.. stressed and like that stress is seeping into everything: making me sick, making me tired, making me cranky, making me awkward, making everything suck. And I know some things that will fix it, but it’s just not that easy to fix.  I just have to take things as they come and try not to let everything overwhelm me.

(There are great online forums to talk your shit out, y’all.  Seek ’em out. There are some pretty amazing strangers in this world.)

We have 4 weeks til our Italian honeymoon and I think that is helping to hold me together just now. After it? I’m not sure. I need to find a focus point; I need a way of calming and controlling my life again. And I think getting a plan in place is the only way.  I am a master planner.

No comments required, no sympathy wanted..!  Just unloading.

 

 

…xxx

swhite

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