The future’s not ours to see

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Stress and anxiety can make you do very strange things.

 

I’m not sure how it affects others, but it makes me a pretty annoying person to live with. I don’t really function well when I’m anxious and it manifests itself both mentally and physically.

 

 

Instead of being one of those (lucky) people who run and box and throw themselves into something, I hibernate. Or at least I want to. Bed, duvet, sulking, brain racing, totally hating myself and everything around me.  Usually what I am anxious about is totally out of my control, and in other situations I have been able to talk myself into being positive and not stressing about it, but often i just want to run and hide.  And lie down.  I refuse to do anything active because what’s the point everything is stressful gah.

 

 

I know this is entirely immature, and not very productive, and I try to fight against it. I hate it when I have a big decision to make and I just shut down, or I know that I need to stay positive and stop freaking out about something, but it takes over my every thought.  D always says “It’ll be fine”, in that very reassuring way, and he is usually right, but. But but.  I can’t tweet and I can’t think clearly and I just want the world to go away until I know what’s going to happen.

 

 

You see, we’re trying to buy a house. And my body seems to have reacted to this news by forcing me to sit on the couch with a blanket and watch episode after episode of Grey’s Anatomy, while eating countless Mars bar icecreams and fidgeting.  I have a list as long as my arm and album work to finish off and so many posts left unwritten, but I just want nothing else than to stop time and watch these stupid doctors all sleep with each other and operate on each other and OMG Grey’s is even more ridiculous when you watch one after the other.

 

 

I just want this to be done and I want the stress to be gone and I just want my house. Can I just have my house?

 

 

So yes, unproductive. And stressful. I apologise for the absence and the rambling and this strange insight into my twitchy brain.  I shall be calm soon. And I have a lot to say in the next few weeks including (oh the irony) some more How To Be Happy posts.  Because I am happy. Most of the time.

Watch this space.

 

 

…xxx

siggrey

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