Here we go again.

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Day 3: reflection. No work out today, but sore from yesterday. #wtfsept #catchingupI feel like I’ve failed at quite a lot lately.

It’s not like I’m trying to be difficult.  But I think I pushed my life to about 190% energy capacity in August, and then September came, and I gave myself some time to recoup and get back on track and I well, faltered. I needed much longer than I thought to top up my reserves.

I’m feeling very excited about my trip home next week.  It has been a really long time since I have seen my family and my friends.  Last time I left for Wellington was December 2010, and I only had 5 days in my home town.  This time I have the entire month (well, we may go to Australia for a few days yet) and while I have so many things planned, I’m looking forward to doing nothing sometimes as well.  And I miss the small things like dinner out with friends, coffee with my mother; even our local mall.

I’ve failed in my goal to lose weight and get my fitness back up.  I’ve failed in my plan to write more music.  I’ve failed in my goal to write essays I need to write for my Rabbi.

I’ve failed in saving and paying off more debt and being more responsible with my diet and how I keep my (currently very messy) house.

But.

You know.

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I’ve been tired. And I’ve needed a big break.  And I’ve been living on my own for the last 10 weeks (well during the week – ends today!), and I’m not so great at self-discipline these days.  I need Dave to keep me in check sometimes.

Life? Is kinda one big fail/win scenario.  Every day the decisions I make mean that I might end up completely ruining the day, or turning things around.  But tomorrow is not too late to change some of the things I have been regretting, and when I get back from New Zealand, I’ll work harder on not letting so many things overwhelm me.  I can set tasks to be done on certain days. I can manage lists of things to do. I don’t need to think of it as one big OMG HOUSEWORK-MUSIC-ESSAYS-PHOTOS-BLOGGING-CLEANING mess.

I can be better.  I’m sure we all can be better.  And I definitely need a holiday.

xxx
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