It is hard for me to moan. (Cue Dave laughing now). But in particular, it is hard for me to moan about Judaism. I should be open and willing to moan about my religion, that is mine and personal to me, and yet I feel I should always be grateful.
Which is an irritating feeling sometimes!
You see, when you grow up in a very secular family, and work hard to build a place for yourself in a religious community, sometimes it is hard to complain about what you might disagree with, or some of the people at shul that shit you to tears. Being Liberal means we have folks from both extremes when it comes to beliefs and politics, and despite not exactly being a “normal” myself, there are some well, odd ones in the bunch.
I love services when I am there, but hate getting out of bed and schlepping over there (this will change now we have the car, I hope!). I love singing along and listening to our amazing Rabbi sing and lead us. I enjoy his sermons, the banter afterwards and the many excuses we have to eat. Sometimes it goes on quite long, and sometimes I haven’t slept well, and sometimes I’m just not feeling it.
And sometimes I wish I had a religion with a little less work. Who studies this much as a Christian? As a Muslim? I’m sure some do, but seriously, some of the churches I’ve been to are just happy for you to show up. But as Jews, we are questioning souls, and we study and learn and grow all the time. Life is about learning.
And I love that. That’s what I want in my life. It’s what I want for my kids. But sometimes, I just want to pray and sing and leave. And I guess that’s okay.
I’m still grateful. I worked hard for my place, so I still appreciate it. But occasionally I feel I should be able to take it for granted, like everyone else. And have a wee moan.