It has come to my attention many times over the years (well since I was a teenager), that I am not the average person.
I am a little odd, a little off. I say the wrong thing half the time, I sing and dance around the house, I am fiercely loyal to my homeland and my religion and my friends to the point of defensiveness, I am quirky and silly and giggly and in love with puns and squirrels.
I write a lot about myself on Twitter and take a lot of Instagram photos and may be considered an “oversharer” or “what’s wrong with Twitter/the internet”.
I pour my life and heart into my songs and my friendships and my relationship with my man, and my family mean the world to me.
I am hard to get to know sometimes, despite this apparent openness, and can be shy and awkward around new people, and people just do not warm to me. If I join classes or groups or try to make new friends, people are friendly but I am often left out of the loop or considered an acquaintance, and because I don’t really drink much, I’m seen as a bit “straight laced”, I suppose.
But I just want the world to know, on this day of turning 28, that in the last 3-6 months, to put it bluntly, I’ve stopped giving a shit.
A part of me will always care, but I’ve learned a lot this year and I’ve decided that:
a) If people want to be my friend and enjoy all the benefits that come along with that (every 5th hug comes with a high five!), they are welcome with open arms. I am loyal, caring and go out of my way for my friends. I’m not a “sometimes” or “fair-weather” friend. I’ll come pick you up if you’re stuck at 2am. I’ll help you move. I’ll look after your dog. I’ll bring you stuff when you’re sick. I’ll listen to you without judgement. I’ll care about you to the point of leaving myself behind. My friends are very important to me.
b) If you want to talk crap about me or others, you’re not worth my time and energy. Go away!
c) If you want to pretend to be my friend, go ahead. I will be respectful and kind to you no matter what. But everything always comes out in the wash.
d) If you are an endless ball of negativity, I don’t think I can be your friend very long. And I hope life improves for you.
e) I’m getting a little bit tired of drama queens. My life has always been full of them (hell I used to be a huge one), and now I just find it so tiring. It’s really not that bad, and if it is? Talk to me/someone about it. Whining only pushes everyone away. And really? We’re not teenagers anymore.
f) You’re missing out. If you don’t want to get to know me, you really are. I’m pretty awesome. (I forget sometimes).
I’ve also decided that keeping myself from blogging about certain things out of shyness or concern about how they may be taken is just silly. This is my blog. I don’t write it for anyone but myself (and close friends who keep up!) and it is one of the ways that I express myself. I really need to just use it how I see fit, and not try to fit any kind of mold or keep certain people happy.
No one is making you read this blog, follow my tweets or my Instagram. I will not be offended if you unfollow. And if you want to keep reading, keep commenting, send me an email or a tweet, that’s great. Life’s too short to be a dick.
(I might cross-stitch that onto a pillow).
Life is made up of the decisions you make. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone makes bad decisions. But it’s how you deal with them, react to them, fix things that matters. Don’t let anyone judge you for how you live your life, but you need to take responsibility for the choices you have made, and live the best you can without blaming the whole world for what’s not working in your life. Just take a deep breath and take little steps.
And gosh. This sounds like I’ve been wronged a lot lately, or that friends have let me down. No particular incident has inspired this post. But I’ve been thinking a lot in the lead up to my birthday about who and what matters to me, and well, I’m tired of trying to be accepted by people who are just never going to be truly there for me. It’s not high school anymore, and some still think that way. The negativity and the drama just puts a damper on what a wonderful world this really is, if you bother to stop and appreciate it. And hell, why waste so much energy on people who give you nothing back?
As a performer you always have a desire deep down to be liked by everyone. But that’s just never going to happen. No one is universally beloved. Except maybe Princess Di. (Are you Princess Di?)
It’s time to just live my life the way I want and stop worrying. Thanks for reading.