She will be loved


I don’t know him really well. I’ve been wanting to, but it just hasn’t worked out. I’ve been chatting to him most of the year. I remember feeling slightly disappointed when I found out he was dating someone in another department at work. It’s not that I wanted to date him, but there is something intriguing about his character.

I walked arm in arm with him one night when we were both tipsy, and I’d bought him cigarettes. I told him in that alcohol-induced oversharing way, that I’d wanted to be friends with him, but was scared off by his girlfriend. He said it wasn’t an issue, and that I should come out again sometime. We haven’t really spoken since apart from our daily hi and bye, and I wonder if he thinks I’m a bit of a dork.

I haven’t seen him in nearly 3 years, but he emails me almost every day and if I slip up in contact, he always drops a note to say hi. He’s 11 years older, but often we seem the same age or he seems younger (I guess it’s that inner child). I’ve known him since I was 13 and I just can’t imagine life without him. Our next visit is nearly 6 months away, but we talk about it every week. It’s nice that someone is excited about seeing me, even when there’s still so long to wait (then again, I’ve waited longer for someone). There’s always that little indication that we could be more than friends someday, but we never take anything seriously. We don’t really take life seriously.

He drives me around, even to places out of his way. He picked me up and took me to the doctor one day after I collapsed at work. I trust him with all the big things, and more importantly, all the little things, that matter to me. He laughs when I’m dirty, groans when my jokes are too terrible for a response. He listens to my songs and sings along in his car. He’ll never really know how much he means to me, cause I’ll never get around to telling him well enough. He’s the one guy I know will never break my heart.

He knows who and what he wants to be, but not quite how to get there. But he works hard at everything he does, even the relationships. He despairs sometimes that he’ll always be on his own, but knows that with me he’ll never really be alone. We get involved in each others’ projects, and feel safe in each others’ company. He backs me up when I feel useless, and I hold him up when he isn’t himself.

He made a big impression on me 5 years ago, and we promised to stay in each others’ lives. He’s sometimes hard work, sometimes it’s effortless. Sometimes we don’t even need to talk to each other to just be around. Things get strained, and feelings have been put through the wringer, but he always tries to make it right, even if he’s very late in doing so, sometimes. He cares most about his family, and lives his life at full roar, with passion; he even drives with passion. He’s the energizer bunny. I try to keep us close, but sometimes I want to be very far, far away.

He’s out there somewhere, wondering where I am. He won’t care that I don’t make much of my life, that I’m all about music and flighty and a big dreamer. He doesn’t care that I’ll probably be broke for years while I work, he’ll support me. He likes coffee in the morning and spending Sundays in our pajamas. He wants 3 or 4 kids, but only when I’m ready. He’s down to earth and sometimes very silly, and strong enough to carry me around. He’s nomadic like me, and never wants to stay in one place for too long. He’ll follow me where I need to go, even if we need to fight over the destination first. He’ll love me. He’ll love my family. He’ll never tell me I’m not good or special enough. And he’ll think I’m beautiful.

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