When I’ve gone out to town, I’ve had some really surreal experiences over the past few months. And I hate sounding conceited, but I feel like something has changed somewhere.
See, I’ve been going out with this friend. We all have a friend like her. She’s one of those tall, blonde, waify types. She has big eyes. She never wears makeup or works out. When you’re out with her, no matter what you look like, guys usually push past you to talk to her. I’ve been shoulder-charged once.
She hasn’t been single in 4 years, but that doesn’t stop guys being all over.
I’m short, blonde-ish, slender but a little bigger in places than the performing standard. I have biggish eyes, but wear a lot of makeup to make them stand out. I usually get ready an hour before I go anywhere, covering up my red skin and choosing clothes. Guys talk to me in bars, but one eye is always on my friends, seeing which way they’re going to move, who they’re going to talk to next. I’m so used to this now, and nights out have never been about connecting with someone. I know how to have fun and have a close-knit group of guy friends that I dance with often, showing off silly moves.
When I went to my friend’s wedding a few weeks ago, I wore a little dress. It was a pretty little dress, and I don’t wear it often. I call it the magic dress, as it generally hides everything I hate (stomach, thighs) and shows off all the bits I like (shoulders, arms, back). After the wedding, 2 of my friends and I met up in a club. I walked there with one of the guys I’m close to and we were talking and joking like normal.
Suddenly I hear behind me – “Wow.. look at the guy with THAT girl.” – Now usually I’d think, “Woah, look at that girl. Eep. What is she wearing.” But the tone was very much, “Hottie!”
I think my entire body went red. I’d never heard myself being talked about that way. You know those girls at highschool that you always heard guy friends talking about? I’d heard them talk that way. But not about me.
I blamed it on the dress. I’m going to wear it more often.
Back to my friend. We were out together last weekend, just having a few drinks and a bit of a dance. We ran into a few guys who wanted us to kiss their friend as he was getting married. After a few cheek pecks, we continued to talk and drink with the guys. Being single now, I’m fairly chatty with guys in bars, even if I’m not planning on initiating anything with anyone at the moment. I want to make friends and meet some new people. And I found that two of these boys were moving past my friend to talk to me. It was quite a reversed experience. Do these guys have single-radar? Do my friends put off different vibes now that they are taken/married/engaged?
I think I got to a certain point last year where I knew exactly what I do and don’t want. What I hope from people and expect from myself. Who I am. And somewhere along those lines, I must have gained a little more confidence. Maybe confidence in knowing what I want and where I want to go has helped me become more attractive. I haven’t noticed myself being prettier. But I’ve noticed myself feeling prettier.
Maybe that’s what makes the difference.